February 2012
3 posts
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January 2012
8 posts
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December 2011
10 posts
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Adam and I Talk About Dicks
Me: Hey Adam would it be gay if I sent you a dick pic??
Adam Stardust: Yes
Me: What if it's just the bottom of the shaft? No tip.
Adam Stardust: Just the neck? Less gay but still gay
Me: The neck?? That is the best name for a dick shaft I've ever heard.
Adam Stardust: A girl always told me she wanted me to show her a little neck. Its like dude clevage
Me: Are you sure she wasn't talking about your top neck and you whipped your dick out at her?
Adam Stardust: Now that you mention it...
Me: So if you show a little neck at a girl sees but a GUY takes a peep at your rod, is that gay? Like out of the corner of his eye?
Adam Stardust: Yes
Me: So if another guy sees your dick it turns you gay? Shit shit shit shit shit.
Adam Stardust: ULTRA GAY
Me: I'm glad I didn't send you that dick pic earlier. I got a real weird dick, man.
Adam Stardust: hahaha
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Anime Shoes
Last night I had a dream where The Professional and Dumbyell and I were discussing the footwear in Dragon Ball Z.
The only part of the conversation I can really remember is this:
ME: I’ve always thought Goku’s little boots looked really comfortable. P-RO: They weigh something like 30 pounds each, though. Wearing them makes his legs stronger. DANIELLE: What’s wrong with...
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November 2011
16 posts
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Dead Upstairs Neighbor Update!!!
Remember a couple weeks ago when I posted about my possibly dead neighbor?
When I got home from work tonight, the packages were still there, but there was a huge truck parked outside. Right now I keep hearing people going up and down the stairs, talking to each other, opening the doors, and generally causing a ruckus.
I don’t want to go outside and ask what’s going on, but this is...
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That Time I Accidentally Invented the Word...
I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. I was on summer break and it was a hot day outside, so I went to my back yard with my dog Whoopi to play with the garden hose.
I would shoot a blast of water into the air and try to run out from under it before I got wet, screaming “ITS RAINING ITS RAINING!” My dog would chase the spray from the hose around the yard, biting at the water and snarling....
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Hey Idiots...!
Does Legend of Zelda: Squidward Sword come with one of those MotionPlus things or am I going to have to buy one?
Also here’s a drawing of Link to get your attention:
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For What It's Worth - November 22, 2011
Mary thought cleaning up after the thieves was tough. Imagine how much work it’s going to be cleaning up the tea that she’s pouring on the floor in Panel 1. Mary, you don’t hold a teapot that way! Why are you sitting on your knees next to the coffee table anyway?
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For What It's Worth - November 21, 2011
Toby’s got a bad case of Tiny Arm Syndrome in Panel 3, and somebody needs to tell her that it’s not polite to point.
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TVmblr
Every time I watch a TV show, I can’t wait to see a .gif of a part of that TV show a few days later on Tumblr.
In fact, I would go as far as to say that there is only one thing that can improve my television experience, and that is if television shows were presented to me in a format that was about as big as a saltine cracker and delivered in 2-second intervals that don’t have any...
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11.11.11
Where was I at 11:11 AM on 11/11/11?
I was having a shit on the toilet at work and playing a video game on my cell phone. I got my Zenonia character up to Level 4 by beating a giant bee to death. I also found some flame-resistant boots and a new sword that does twice as much damage as my old one.
This is a story I’ll be able to share with my grandchildren someday.
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I've Uploaded My Personality To A Computer
We had to rebuild our phone system at the office today.
We had to re-record the auto-attendant voice prompts, so if you call my office, the robot that answers the telephone has my voice.
My boss wouldn’t let me record it as Buddy Hackett, an Irishman, or a Russian man. I had to do it in my normal voice, no matter how many times I asked to do something different.
So it basically sounds...
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Cheating At the Iditarod
Today at work I asked a co-worker if you could enter the Iditarod with horses instead of huskies. He told me you couldn’t. I said “What if I disguised them in giant shaggy coats so they looked like huge huskies?” and he tried to tell me that horses wouldn’t do well in that climate.
“The giant shaggy coats aren’t just disguises,” I explained....
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I Think My Upstairs Neighbor Might Be Dead
Hi, I think the person who lives above me died.
Evidence:
A) There are two packages that have been sitting outside the door for nearly a month. They are labelled “TOY DEPT. NEW PRODUCT - DISPLAY IMMEDIATELY” and I’ve been really tempted to go upstairs and steal them because I want free toys. If I get caught, I’d just say “They’ve been up there for a long time...
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October 2011
3 posts
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September 2011
5 posts
Fifth Grade Date Nite
I’m going to use this thing to tell some stories about when I was a kid.
In 5th grade I went to K-Mart with my mother. I’d wandered off to the electronics to find where they hid the Weird Al tapes. Suddenly, this girl I don’t know comes up to me and says “Ashlee likes you.”
“Who are you?” I asked. I’d never seen this girl before in my life. I start...
June 2011
8 posts
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